Khaw Boon Wan Masterclass

Khaw Boon Wan has perfected the art of conducing himself in such a way that you don’t know whether to snigger, sympathise or admire. He is in a class of his own. He ought to conduct a Masterclass for PAP Ministers and MPs on how to handle challenges and adversity without getting into hot soup.

These are the pointers for the Khaw Boon Wan Masterclass:

- Look very sad and very sorry without having to say sorry

- Speak slowly, appear like you are going to choke with emotion anytime

- Wherever possible, remind people that it was an HONEST mistake and therefore they will find it hard to pin blame

- Never own up personally – say somebody else let you down, somebody else made the HONEST mistake, somebody else was careless

- Seize every opportunity to compare yourself with your predecessor, making the point that you have done much better – after all, the other guy is not around and cannot defend himself

- Look tired and deprived of sleep (that’s actually easy, try not to sleep the night before your big speech)

- Stress that you have been working really, really hard – for example, say that you have aged 5 years in 2 years on the job

- If the Opposition dares to question you, look angry and hurt and imply they cannot throw stones because they also have skeletons in the closet

- To signal that you are done, declare very solemnly LET’S MOVE ON – it always works because anyone who objects will look like he wants to find fault even though you have already honestly, sincerely, sorrowfully given your account

Takeaway Message: If everyone adheres to the above, all will be fine, all will be forgiven, because Singaporeans are an extremely understanding and forgetful lot.

 

Augustine Low

 

 

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42 Responses to “Khaw Boon Wan Masterclass”

  • Toto:

    Bravo Augustine Low – you have Khaw dissected and deciphered. He is a scheming guy with no morals no qualms. He represents the PAP very well.

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  • PAP Thieves:

    What you expect? They have perfected the art of wayangs and lying.
    How else would the 70% come about?

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  • Lol:

    Very funny leh! But also very true ….. The guy is shameless…..expose him for what he is…..a real assxxxx. Send him back to Penang.

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  • NotMyProblem:

    Also claim to be religious and strong Buddhist. Tell others to hara hiri but not for himself.

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  • MarBowling:

    Every time the FFace of this $8Cow aka Fart Hou Seah Sump(speaks like an Angel But with a Heart of a Snake)appears, it would take me a couple of days to get back my appetite.

    Did he go back to his hometown Penang to CHEQUE whether his huge bungalow Kenna submerged in the recent mother of all Big floodings? First sign Heaven and the Barn Owl is catching up with the MF! D Quack, what do you think?

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  • oxygen:

    BLAMES EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE ELSE except himself and GOD while preaching of his pious worship of HARA KIRI standard of accountability for the Opposition politics.

    He should just hand write his own resignation letter on the blank back of a kachang puteh wrapping paper. Don’t waste a clean sheet of A4 white paper so that the lumberjack need not murder one more innocent tree. And of course, don’t waste electricity and printer’s ink as well.

    It is less shameful of retiring silently into oblivion of his own arrogant failures.

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  • LIONS:

    So,your Desmond Quack brings in systems engineers from DSTA to assost?
    Tell you,the PROBLEM may subside fior a little while but dump another few million aliens here,THE PROBLEM WILL BECOME BIGGER still?!

    I tell you if i were a minister,i will be honest n responsible enough to tell lee ah long off!
    His RECKLESSDUMPING OF FAke FTs here is the cause of all our recent socio-economic n infra-structural issues!

    This is the hard truth,tell or not?!

    Lee Ah Long has screwed this NATION UPSIDE DOWN N INSIDE OUT N THAT IS THAT!
    You were MOH before,WHY SHORT OF HOSPITAL BEDS FOR SO MANY YEARS ON N NOT RESOLVED?

    The EXCESSIVE N INSANE DUMPING OF ALIENS HERE BY LEE AH LONG IS THE ROOT CAUSE.
    Solve this n everything else will gradually be resolved?

    Stoopid ministers just remain as dumb yes-men to collect more money n get promotions for themselves.

    Q.E.D.

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  • simi lun sai poo kia:

    wow! i love the “futt howe sare summ” comparison!
    describes this dwarf ogre to a tee!

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  • Toni:

    He is the best there is at wayang ….. At least he thinks he is the best but everyone can see he is a snake and a dog. He will never own up – the best taichi master !!!

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  • N.Jungne:

    Alarmak D. Kuek will next chase him until Penang (paisei to describe)

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  • billyma:

    The writer might be right about those observations.

    But there is really only one reason Khaw boon wan is that he is of PAP.
    Even if he just stand there sticking out his tongue & pointing his middle finger at you in parliament without answering any question, he will still get away scot-free.

    This applies to every PAP minister, MP, & even PAP grassroots people.

    This is the meritocracy that PAP had been shouting all this while.

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  • Bapak:

    He also knows when to cry at the right time, right place with reporters around.

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  • Patriot of Temesak:

    With a FACE like THAT and he is a Minister exposing his Nipples to show his $8.00 heart surgery and drinking wine later with young Chinese lady after operation

    What have we come to IMPORTING these Talents of pure Dung into our system???

    Cronies and Dung to keep the Dynasty going lah!!!

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  • Hara:

    KBW is first among equals at the PAP when it comes to song n dance. He ought to be sent to hell…. The devil is waiting to welcome him with open arms.

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  • opposition dude:

    I doubt anyone is taken in by his acting since there are quite a number of angry commuters tweeting and commenting when a disruption occurs.

    We all know SMRT can’t fix the problem due to, ahem, deep seated cultural issues. You can look stressed and cry all you want when facing the reporters, nothing will change the fact that the disruptions will still continue.

    Why, it seems like karma was teaching Khaw another lesson whenb services were disrupted from Sembawang to Novena. SMRT couldn’t even be bothered to provide updates on it!

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  • wjr:

    Mr Cow, just to remind you what YOU had said when dealing with your opposition, even though they are fellow Singaporeans :

    “Last year, he moved on and handed it over to Yaw Shin Leong. Unfortunately, Mr Yaw got into trouble, disgraced himself and disappointed all the voters. And the worse thing is leave just like that without a word – not a single word of explanation or apology. I find that utterly irresponsible and in fact, arrogant, taking the voters for granted,” said Mr Khaw.”

    “In Japan, the CEO and board of directors will call a press conference and take a deep bow, and in the good old days, they may even commit hara-kiri.”

    SO, DON’T LET US FIND YOU UTTERLY IRRESPONSIBLE, ARROGANT AND TAKING THE VOTERS FOR GRANTED FOR PAYING YOU MILLION DOLLARS SALARY FOR YOU TO TAI-CHI YOUR FAILURES. IF YOU ARE A MAN OF HONOUR, DO WHAT YOU PREACH. THIS IS KARMA TIME FOR YOU. EVERYONE OF US IS WATCHING.

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  • Ali Baba:

    Minister Khaw must had gone thru extensive acting trainings, and that is why he can put up those actions and facial expression to look so naturally. As the MRT system is getting from bad to worse, we will have more opportunities to watch this actor’s skill.

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  • Fuk Mee Hard Mom:

    Pasi Buazao!

    SGD 1:3 MYR

    You pay and pay a bowl of wontan mee in sg can get you 3 bowls in MYR.

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  • Spermugam real dad:

    He is a linguist blackbelt better than a lawyer.

    The social media sentiment is angry at the blaming only of the lower ranks.

    Now, they seem like putting some blame on the high ranking ones also.

    But if the buck stops at the top will the longan be implicated?

    He is so savvy with words. He said he was NOT PARACHUTED IN! Parachuted in implicates the longan.

    So he say he Volunteered.

    If i ask two of my kahkia which of them wants the cake, and one volunteered, is it a volunteer or is it a volunteer as a result of the asking?

    Sunkens no intellectualism to deiscern this unfortunately.

    I suspect a management level person may be sacked but at most a line manager.

    For the sake of the country’s stability, we must accept them unquestioningly.

    Just mastutbate and console ourselves lor.

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  • Amos exposed PAP hypocrisy:

    More like Master Clown. Another good example of what power and money does to a person with no scruples. Tharman is another one.

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  • C'est la vie:

    *****
    This Khaw character and his signature mumblings have been around since 1977, so whatever frigging class he’s giving; be it, humility, pride and manning up ……….. it’s all old hat. And by the way, he possesses none of it, humility, pride and balls, but what he has got, is plenty of space where his heart, balls and brains are meant to be !!!

    His is the classic tale of been in the right place at the right time, and that you don’t really need to be very clever to succeed in SGpolitics. Oh, and before I forget, a few million dense numpties aka Singlishians, cheering your name, helps the cause too !!!
    ***
    *****

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  • KBW earns many accolades:

    KBW over the years has earned himself many nick names among them:- Harakiri man, tai chi master, story teller, story spinner, thick skin, smiling tiger, ……. Sure he doesn’t care what you guys call him , he earns millions simply deflect away all blames to others , give excuse, so why he cares? Even if trains encounter serious problems he has his way to wriggle away, you have to respect him for that!

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  • Wonderfools:

    The primary source of the problems begin with the reckless population policy of Leegalment. All the problems started after the influx and opening of casinos that required mass foreign labour in the service sectors.

    LIONS:
    So,your Desmond Quack brings in systems engineers from DSTA to assost?
    Tell you,the PROBLEM may subside fior a little while but dump another few million aliens here,THE PROBLEM WILL BECOME BIGGER still?!

    I tell you if i were a minister,i will be honest n responsible enough to tell lee ah long off!
    His RECKLESSDUMPING OF FAke FTs here is the cause of all our recent socio-economic n infra-structural issues!

    This is the hard truth,tell or not?!

    Lee Ah Long has screwed this NATION UPSIDE DOWN N INSIDE OUT N THAT IS THAT!
    You were MOH before,WHY SHORT OF HOSPITAL BEDS FOR SO MANY YEARS ON N NOT RESOLVED?

    The EXCESSIVE N INSANE DUMPING OF ALIENS HERE BY LEE AH LONG IS THE ROOT CAUSE.
    Solve this n everything else will gradually be resolved?

    Stoopid ministers just remain as dumb yes-men to collect more money n get promotions for themselves.

    Q.E.D.

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  • nizhemoshou:

    Do you think he can do what he did n get away with it in developed or democratic countries ? No he wont masterclass or not if SG is any of the western democratic countries or even Japan, Korea Taiwan or Indian. Doubt he would even dare try it without facing the wrath n derision from his own party or oppo mbers of the House as well the men on the street.. [Even Communist China is more democratic nowadays and its people are more vociferous n have more freedom of assembly/speech than SG]

    Actually his wayang is not unique to him. From pap father/son leeders to the likes of former n present pap ministers such as LBH, Zorro to VB, they are all like that. In fact, they are all expected to deploy such wayang and not to admit wrong n step down. They are either naturally good at it or would have studied n learned it from the way of the late dictator LIE CON YOU.

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  • 陈大婶:

    这样说法,是把国人当笨蛋。

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  • Fong:

    Haha sorrowful Khaw always puts on a beautiful show …. Good one!!

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  • Penang Laksa:

    I itching to know does he count his millions collected in salaries in SGD or MYR?

    How to tahan this much of wealth?

    Can his heart take this much os excitement and orgasm?

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  • AnT:

    At least our Malaysian friends have one less politician like him in Matland to be disgusted with.

    Bad luck to Singapore lor.

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  • ganshsk:

    @ oxygen
    “He should just hand write his own resignation letter on the blank back of a kachang puteh wrapping paper.”

    Quite hard to find blank kacang puteh paper.

    Lets go digital easier

    Just whatsapp. will do.

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  • ganeshsk:

    In fact he is an all rounder experienced master.

    Remember for the Aim fiasco. he said can buy off the shelf software to run TC when Sylvia questioned him.

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  • Owl ate Longan Balls:

    Made-In-Malaysia get to enjoy the lucrative SGD 1:3 MYR but sglians only get 1:1 !

    You can imagine how much motivated a made-in-malaysia is when working in sg.

    打死都不跑。
    Pah Si Boon Biay zao eh!

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  • MF in the extreme:

    To title him as MF is too gennerous. This MF has zero shame. Any decent human having done negatively wherever he was pinned to would havr done what the exposed by his master as the most corrupted minister who merely accept some peanut from the Indonesian tycoon, as Mrs llittle Goh or better known as seat warmer for the nepotic zfi successor would say. At least he redeemed himself by his own fashion of kamakaze. This MF has zero shame of accepting millions of Sinkies monies while doing negative work. Getting paid for no and worse negative work made the Self kaput minister accused of receiving Indon peanuts looked like kaputtig himself only for accepting a free cup of kopi au from his Indo contact. Yea squeaky clean state of nfi nepotists cum countless plps including not only those who have lost their own but also those naturally not endowed with one like the famous Malay not Malay plp magic.

    But seriously how can u expect a plp to have balls to show accountability. Is it strange that a plp is never wrong? How can a plp be wrong if he does nothing just collect the millions? SMRT is correct to say the right culture begins from the top. If this MF get millions for doing nothing if not negative work, he as CEO would follow being part of the beautiful million dols culture to do nothing or negatively and so the doing nothing or negatively and get paid culture epidemicised down the ranks. When SMRT amnesty for the operative who do not operate merely mean this MF and his lines of plps are top on the list and the rest punished for being daft not to get millions, do nothing or negatively and get away with the multimillion是with the god damn right of screwing the lowly paid operatives.

    Hokkien has a say for these top MFs:: Yiow siu kia. Of course there are more expletives than this.
    The Cantonese express this more stylo,:Hum ka zhan. pl dont confuse with the hum in MF meesiam.

    But the bananas have only this: shits, scumbags besiides MFs.

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  • Same old story:

    Khaw is as pathetic as the Penang State leaders with their poor handling of the recent flood and lame excuses.

    All talk but no better than the ones they replaced.

    Ship him back to Penang.

    Useless……

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  • DK learns from KBW:

    KBW blamed the Bishan tunnel maintenance team for” failing us”. DK , a few days ago when addressing SMRT workers also blamed the the team members. This is absurd! Train breakdowns have been happening every now and then, just on Friday( 10/11) long train delays happened in the evening for more than 1 hour! These two guys earning millions of dollars simply pushed the blame on train breakdowns to their subordinates and not holding themselves responsible, this is meritocracy in Sg!
    How muchmoney employers and businesses lose for every train delay and disruption? Persistent train disruptions have been an international disgrace for SG! Most surprising the head of the country remains quiet all this while,is diabetes and smart nation more important than trian problems . Talk about first class transport, ministers have the best brains to solve our problems, zero tolerance for incompetence ………… To justify their sky high obscene salaries!
    Will Harakiri man still say that train services improve 3 times since he took over! Former MOT LTY must be laughing, Heng ah, he is no longer in the hot seat! Former LTA chief Chew ML should be relieved that he ” cHar bo” at the right time!
    DK , KBW please resign if both of you are honest gentlemen, you cannot do the job, let others handle, don’t cling on to the millions!disgusting, !

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  • Khaninahia:

    This is good assassination of KBW. He is first class bullshitter pośing as a wise guy, and will go down as one of the worst in a PAP history. He is a great gift from Penang!!

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  • MarBowling:

    MAI Hum, please do the Right and NEEDFUL thing:

    Swap Minister $8Cow(MOTHER OF BLAMING EVERYONE EXCEPT HIMSELF CULTURE)with Son of the Gan(mother of NO BLAME CULTURE). Think all affected commuters will be APPEASED with your this really NOBLE manoeuvre. Future Pee-M cum seatwarmer HK Chan what do you think?

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  • Lee Chun Sing a song:

    I wonder what values his mother and father taught him in Penang malaysia boleh?

    Seems to turn out well for him.

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  • Khaw Pei Ling:

    I wonder what values his mother and father

    ganshsk:
    @ oxygen
    “He should just hand write his own resignation letter on the blank back of a kachang puteh wrapping paper.”

    Quite hard to find blank kacang puteh paper.

    Lets go digital easier

    Just whatsapp. will do.

    I Guarantor you Uncle Khaw Pah Si Buay Zao wan.

    Sg is a goldmine.

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  • hhhsit:

    Malaysians are great actors!

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  • asd:

    ya .. am in charge and got $ take ..

    got problem .. no my fault .. .

    sinkie . . how they sleep at night ..

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  • Patriot Tan:

    In our country there are at least 2million Malaysian PR & new citizens. There are almost entirely Chinese & Indian. Many have made their fortune go along with PAP & most of them are core PAP supporters. I think this is why khaw is made PAP Chairman. It’s to secure the loyalty of these Malaysian migrants. Malaysian Chinese & Indian are known to be exceptional survivors because of the bumi bullying in their own country. To them Singaporean is easy meat. You find them everywhere surpassing locals not because they are more talented. They are shrewed & street smart.

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  • pap selected INDIAN president:

    it is so very well said we cannot afford not to relist the deceptive tricks of malaysian S$8 cow now employed by lky clown prince which tricks are these —


    - Look very sad and very sorry without having to say sorry

    - Speak slowly, appear like you are going to choke with emotion anytime


    - Wherever possible, remind people that it was an HONEST mistake and therefore they will find it hard to pin blame

    - Never own up personally – say somebody else let you down, somebody else made the HONEST mistake, somebody else was careless


    - Seize every opportunity to compare yourself with your predecessor, making the point that you have done much better – after all, the other guy is not around and cannot defend himself

    - Look tired and deprived of sleep (that’s actually easy, try not to sleep the night before your big speech)


    - Stress that you have been working really, really hard – for example, say that you have aged 5 years in 2 years on the job

    - If the Opposition dares to question you, look angry and hurt and imply they cannot throw stones because they also have skeletons in the closet


    - To signal that you are done, declare very solemnly LET’S MOVE ON – it always works because anyone who objects will look like he wants to find fault even though you have already honestly, sincerely, sorrowfully given your account

    ownself check ownself. maybe pap has forgotten to check his penang assets all courtesy of taxpayers which they paid each other without our permission.

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